


Responsibility

by orphan_account



Category: The Hobbit (2012), The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: Fíli Feels, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-04-16
Updated: 2013-04-16
Packaged: 2017-12-08 16:39:00
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,641
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/763610
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Five times Fili wanted to act like a child but couldn't, and one time he did. For a hobbit-kink prompt</p>
            </blockquote>





	Responsibility

**-5**

He wanted to play. 

Kili was outside playing.

He wanted to play with him.

The day was just warm enough he wouldn't have to wear his stuffy jacket that made it hard for him to move, and he always had so much fun with Kili. Luckily for Kili, he was still too young for lessons, so he couldn't go. He could hear Kili's shrieks of laughter through the window and wondered why Kili kept begging to come with him. Right now, Fili wanted nothing more than to be out there with _him_.

"Fili, pay attention." His head whipped back to face Master Balin, sheepish even though the old dwarf looked understanding rather than mad. Instead of chastising him, he merely tapped Fili's paper.  "Keep practicing your writing." Still, Fili felt his face heat. His Uncle had told him how important it was he behave like a proper heir, and he was already failing! Fili's eyes bore holes into the paper, determined not to get distracted again.

**-4**

Fili wanted to punch them, make them pay, make them _bleed_. He clenched his hands into fists so tight he could feel blood well up around his fingernails and took a deep breath, just like Master Balin taught him. Uncle would be disappointed if he was in a fight, would say getting into petty brawls were actions unbecoming of royalty. He wanted to tell him, tell him the horrible things other dwarves would mutter when Thorin couldn't hear. He knew his uncle would take care of it with no hesitation, as protective of them as he was, but he knew that by running to his uncle he'd only show how pathetic he was.

He spun on his heels, blinking back hot tears of frustration. He would not cry; he would not show weakness. Fili walked as fast as he could without it looking like he was running away--weak, so _weak_ \-- and tried to ignore the taunts of _Fili Halfelven_ and _Bastard_.

**-3**  

He didn't want to be near these people, these politicians with their barely hidden sneers. They didn't say anything outright, as was the nature of politicians, but their disdain for him was clear simply by looking at their face.

The insults regarding his "Elvin" appearance and rumors of his illegitimacy had never stopped, although never where his uncle could hear. How could they help but doubt, what with Fili's fair hair among his family of dark haired, decidedly dwarvish family. Even Kili, with his lack of beard, looked more like a dwarf, and very few hesitated to make that clear, no matter how subtle the accusation. He wanted to snarl back, show them how dwarvish he really was, but he was the heir. Even if their guests, and he used that term loosely, were rude, he was required to be diplomatic.

It was almost worth it for the pat on the shoulder and small, proud smile from Uncle Thorin.

**-2**

The quest terrified him. He was excited, yes, eager to prove himself, but sometimes he felt as if he were the only one who remembered there was a dragon at the end of their quest. At least, until Balin pointed out their number with a brief reference to the intelligence, or lack thereof, of the people at the table. A fair observation, considering how many were ready to attempt to kill a dragon without an army. He inwardly sighed when Kili's eager bouncing behind him revealed him to be one of them. Then he saw his uncle's face across the table.

He knew their number was too few as well. He was well aware of their disadvantage. It may have been Balin's job to be the voice of reason, no matter how positive or negative the voice, but it was Fili's job to support his uncle, his King. He pounded his hand on the table.

"We may be few in number, but we're fighters. All of us. Down to the last dwarf!"

He caught the quiet, relieved smile from his uncle and let himself feel the excitement his words had caused.

**-1**

Fili wanted to run from this mountain, grab Kili and run from its piles of gold until they were back in mountain ridges of Ered Luin. He didn't belong here. This was not his home, this was not his treasure, and at the moment, _that was not his uncle_.

This stranger had cold, cold eyes that lit with warm affection towards a gleaming pile of metal rather than Kili's affectionate smiles. This stranger had threatened their  burglar with death when his uncle would have valued his loyalty over everything else. This stranger was willing to declare war, to put them all in danger over hunks of shining rock. A dwarf Fili may be, but he could not bring himself to value cold metal and jewels over the lives of his kin, over Uncle Thorin and Kili.

He wanted to curl into a ball and hide in a dark corner until it was all over, until he couldn't hear the armies outside and the desperate rush of his own heart. But he couldn't. He was still heir, and he couldn't abandon his family.

**0**

Fili refilled his uncle's glass silently, his expression thunderous and his movements jerky.

"Fili--"

"No." He cursed at how shaky his voice sounded. "Do not speak to me," he continued, his voice cracking in the middle. He thrust  the glass at his uncle and once it was in his hand stormed to the door.

"Fili." He ignored him. He was almost at the door, and once he was out he could deal with his panic without worrying about how his behavior could be interpreted, without worrying about being the perfect heir, he could scream and cry and hide and-- "Fili, you're acting childish."

Fili froze in the open door. He could feel anger rising up to meet the fear he had been feeling since this whole mess started and slammed the door shut, whirling on his uncle. 

"Childish?" he hissed. " _Childish?_ " He had moved forward without noticing until he was towering over his uncle. Thorin was sitting up in the bed now and looking at Fili tiredly, his entire posture slumped from exhaustion and his injuries in contrast to his nephew's tensed form. "I think I've earned the right to be a little childish after this! I avoided behaving _childishly_ when you were ready to start a war over _gold_ ," he spat, voice rising as he spoke, tears prickling at his eyes, and he ignored Thorin's wince. "I avoided behaving _childishly_ when we had to fight an army of orcs! I didn't behave childishly when--" a sob tore at his throat, "when I saw you and Kili fall." He felt tears fall down his cheeks and wiped viciously at them. "I almost lost you both over a _mountain_. I almost lost you and Kili, uncle, and it was all for a _rock,_ " he said bitterly, tears streaming down his face. 

He gave in at that, to the stresses of the past few months, years, _decades_. He had been running on nothing but adrenaline and fear and worry, and seeing his uncle and brother unconscious for the past few days had only made it worse. Fili was too drained to even attempt to stop his tears. He heard his uncle sigh and couldn't bring himself to look at him, couldn't bring himself to look at the disappointment on his face.

"Fili, sit down." 

He wiped at his face one more time and plopped down next to his uncle, his breath hiccuping. Fili waited for the scolding he was sure was coming and was surprised when instead his uncle pulled him into a hug. His face was smushed into his uninjured shoulder as his uncle held him tightly to him.

"My dear boy," he said quietly, almost to himself, "what have I done to you?" He pressed a kiss to Fili's temple. "I have been unfair to you," he said into his hair. "I'm sorry." Fili hesitantly wrapped his arms around Thorin's waist in answer, and Thorin brought up his other arm to wrap around his shoulders. "I have been your king when I should have been your uncle."

"It's fine." Fili tried to stop his breath from hitching to no avail.

"No, it's not," he said warmly, not sounding upset with Fili at all. "I have done wrong by you." He chuckled when Fili shook his head vigorously. 

"You were a father to both me and Kili. Anything else is forgiven as long as you recover." Thorin laughed softly at that, and Fili could feel some of the pain and stress wash away.

"You always were quick to forgive," he muttered, pressing a kiss to the top of his head. "I will make it up to you nevertheless." He started stroking his fingers through Fili's hair, trying to relax him. They sat there in silence until they heard a knock on the door and Kili peeked his head in. Seeing his uncle and brother in the room, he limped in--he hadn't completely healed from his injuries yet, and likely shouldn't even be walking around at the moment--and flopped down on the other side of the bed. He let out a pained hiss when it jostled his injuries, and Uncle Thorin had his usual look of fond exasperation.

"You should be resting," Fili mumbled into his uncle's shoulder.

"And now I will," Kili replied sleepily, dropping off to sleep almost immediately.

"Since your brother has already invaded, would you like to stay as well?" His voice was teasing but warm, and when Fili looked he could see the offer was genuine. Even though he was no longer a dwarfling that ran to his uncle's room when he was scared of thunderstorms, he nodded. Thorin smiled.


End file.
